These characteristics of a good mom will help you understand what to focus on giving you actionable ideas so you improve daily.

My network of moms possesses all the characteristics of a good mother and more. These women are doing a fantastic job, and it shows in their children.

However, they all have one thing in common; they wonder if they are enough. When I look at these moms, I couldn’t possibly fault them, and I feel like they are doing infinitely better than I am. 

One of the problems with parenting is there is no guidebook, no training, rarely a mentor, and only occasionally a good role model if your mom is/was terrific. There’s no test at the end of the week, month or year, and no manager telling you you’ve done an excellent job.

There’s certainly no end of year bonus! We’re all flying blind. Even if there was a guidebook or a mentor, the chances are they would not have faced some of the unique challenges moms today face.  

There’s a lot of pressure on moms to get everything right. Aside from demonstrating the characteristics of a good mother, we need to raise tiny humans who will be able to deal with challenges in their everyday lives and flourish socially, emotionally, behaviorally, and academically. It’s a tall order.

And of course, on top of all that, we want them to be happy and self-assured. Motherhood is the most demanding and most fulfilling job in the world. No matter where you are on the parenting path, I am confident you are doing a fantastic job.  

However, there is always room to grow and develop as a parent. Nobody is perfect, and there are days when things don’t go as planned. That’s normal and to be expected.

There are days I think I am a brilliant parent and other days when I feel like I am failing miserably. Being a mom is a rollercoaster ride.

There are peaks and troughs but focussing on improving the qualities that are important to you and you and your family will ensure you are always moving forward. The goal is not perfection but awareness and intention.

Motherhood is not a destination; it’s a journey, and every day is a fresh start.  

Determining        

Your parenting journey is as unique as your child, and what constitutes a good mother can vary depending on your child, culture, values, and personal vision for your family. The first step in developing the characteristics of a good mother is determining what you value and believe your child/ren need in you. 

Some children need more loving, nurturing mothers; others may do better with an organised, strict mother. Once you recognise their individual needs, it becomes easier to figure out how best to be supportive.       

Having a vision of your ideal gives you something to strive for every day and provides you with the opportunity to improve continually. 

We have provided a list of characteristics below to help you work out which ones you would like to focus on, develop or cultivate.  

Being Intentional        

Before we consider the below list, an important note is one of the best things you can do to cultivate and develop the characteristics of a good mother is to set your intention daily. Setting your intention focuses you on being more mindful as you go about your day. 

Setting a daily intention takes no more than a few minutes, and it keeps you connected to the qualities you are working to develop.

An example of an intention is if you want to be more patient, you might set an intention such as: “Today I will take a moment to stop and take a deep breath before I respond”.  It is so easy to start and continue your day on autopilot.

Living intentionally allows you to focus on what is important to you, so you can achieve your goals and live the life you want. 

Characteristics of a Good Mother  

Below is a list of qualities, along with suggestions and ideas on developing these characteristics.  

Loving        

One of the best characteristics of a good mother is unconditional love. If you ask most mom’s, they will tell you that they love their children with all of their hearts. And, of course, they do.

But how you demonstrate love is critical. True genuine love is about loving your children through the good and the bad.

It’s about loving them when they are upset or angry and when they are happy or calm. It’s letting them know you will be there to help them weather the storms of life.

And demonstrating that behaviour by staying with children when they feel sad, hurt and angry.  When your child knows your love is unconditional, it permits them to blossom.     

In the Sunday Times bestseller by Philippa Perry, “The Book You Wish Your Parents had Read”, Philippa states that the more we can stay with children through their inconvenient feelings, the happier and more well-adjusted they will be in later years. Being there for your children when difficult feelings arise helps children work through tricky emotions independently.

Philippa uses the phrase ‘feeling with’ rather than dealing with to describe the best way to manage emotional outbursts. So the next time your child is upset because you said no to ice cream, acknowledge their sadness and tell them you understand.      

Aside from being there for children through the tough times, how can you be a more loving mother?

Find some suggested ideas below.

Ideas On Showing Love

One on one time

If you have more than one child or even if you only have one, tell them they have you for ten minutes per day. Let your child choose the activity you will do and tell them it can be anything, providing it only takes ten minutes. Your child will look forward to this time every day more than any other.

   

Love Letters

Write them love letters. Write a note and tell them how much you love them, including how proud you are of them. Try to provide specific examples of the qualities you love or the time you have spent together that you have enjoyed.      

Love Hearts

Find some love hearts, cardboard, candy, chocolate, a pillow, anything in a heart shape and give it to them.   

Your presence

Be fully present in the moment when you are with them. Rid yourself of distractions, put your phone away and genuinely be with them.

Cards

Buy a beautiful card and write in it. As an example, I have bought my children cards that say “I love you to the moon and back” and “You are all kinds of magic”.  

I stock up during valentine’s day and take one out when a child has been particularly helpful. I tell them how grateful I am for their assistance and how much it means to me in the card.

After doing this with one child, I will often find that the other one becomes helpful because they want a card.     

Notebook

Start a love letter notebook. My daughter and I have a special notebook we share. We hadn’t written in the book for a long time then recently we went through a difficult time, so I found the book and wrote her a letter.

I will write a page and leave the book on her bed, then she will write back to me. It’s a beautiful book and memory that she will be able to keep forever. Sometimes they need to hear that no matter what, they are loved.       

Read

Read books together. One of the most precious bonding experiences you can share with your children is reading together. 

As they get older, you can continue to read together with you reading a page and them reading a page. Reading aloud is great for children’s reading abilities and a lovely experience for both of you.     

Praise

Tell them what you love about them and tell your friends and family too. Ideally, while your child is in earshot, so they can hear the lovely things you have to say.     

Notes

Put a note in their lunchbox, shoes or on their pillow. Write a short little postie telling them you love them and leave it somewhere they will see it.      

Vocalise It

Tell your children you love them every day of their lives, not just on birthdays or special occasions. Leave no doubt in their mind, so they never have to wonder.  If your children have phones, text them and send them cute I love you gifs.     

Listen

When your children want to tell you something, stop, put your phone out of view. Look them in the eye, listen and then ask them a question about what they are telling you.     

Reminisce

Tell them stories about when you were a child, your favourite memories, adventures and people. You can also tell them stories about when they were toddlers or young children, talk about holidays you enjoyed, lovely memories or funny things they said.

If you have young children now, make a note of the things you want to remember. I told myself I would remember, and I didn’t.

Hug

Hug often. Hugs have been shown to release oxytocin, known as the love hormone that helps reduce stress hormones in your body. If you have prickly teenagers, you can try high fiving or put an arm around their shoulder instead.  

If you have time in the morning and need to wake them up, you can get into bed with them and hug them, scratch and rub their back until they wake up.     

Love Language

Know your child/rens love language – Is it quality time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, or Physical Touch? You can read Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages of Children or get them to take this handy quiz to discover their primary love language and better connect with them.

Traditions   

Another of the various characteristics of a good mother is they enjoy family traditions. Family traditions provide comfort and security, strengthen your family’s bonds and create positive experiences and memories forever. Your children might also continue the traditions you start when they have their own families.     

Family traditions don’t have to be elaborate, and your traditions might change over time. We used to have taco Tuesday, but I think the children got bored of tacos, so we moved this tradition, and it’s now a monthly event rather than weekly.

Because my children are older and tend to stay up later, we have a memorable night once a week where we drive to the local gelato shop and eat in. Some of the best conversations I have with my children are at the gelato shop. After consuming such a large serving of sugar, we pump the music and sing at the top of our lungs all the way home.     

Some ideas on traditions you might implement include a family photo once a year that gets printed and added to a collage, movie night, a games night or an evening walk as a family. Or start a Valentine’s Day tradition – I always buy my children a Valentine’s Day present and card. It’s another way for them to know how much I love them.      

Eating together – Eating as a family helps family members maintain relationships and feel a sense of belonging. We are all swamped, so eating together is a great way to connect daily. Encourage no technology at the table and enjoy each other’s company.   

Patience     

One of the best characteristics of a good mother is that they are patient. Remaining calm when children are being difficult and demanding is not an easy task.

Having the willpower to keep your composure, get some perspective and respond appropriately takes practice. Especially when you are in the moment, that’s where mindful parenting can help.

Mindful parenting involves being attentive, non-judging, and non-reacting in interactions with children. Studies have shown that mindful parenting increases positive behaviour in mothers and children, resulting in less anxiety and depression. You can read a more detailed article about mindfulness for moms here.

STOP Technique

As discussed in our article on self-love for moms, there are many different ideas and techniques for mindful parenting; however, an easy one to remember is the STOP technique.    

STOP stands for:    

S – Stop    

T – Take a deep breath    

O – Observe what is happening with both yourself and your child/ren. Listen to your breathing. Focus on your breath.    

P – Proceed    

To break it down even further, mindfully parenting involves:    

Stopping and Listening

When you stop, take in everything, all sights, smells and sounds surrounding you and your child. Be in the moment and breathe.    

Non-judgemental acceptance

As you breathe, accept the feelings that come up in the moment but just observe. Accept the situation for what it is and let go of all expectations of your child.    

Emotional Awareness

Listening and being more present in the moment is a fantastic way to become more attuned to your child and deepen your relationship with them. Modelling emotional awareness and self-regulation creates a peaceful and calm space while allowing children to feel safe.    

Self-Regulation

If you stop and listen first, you can eliminate inappropriate responses. Stopping makes it easier to respond to situations in a more thoughtful, patient and kind way. By pausing and considering how you are feeling, you can also think about how your child is feeling and what everyone might need at that moment.    

Compassion

Mindful parenting encourages moms to act with compassion. You may not agree with your child’s actions or emotions, but putting yourself in their position and acting with empathy will positively impact your child. Compassion extends to yourself as well.

If the situation has not turned out well, it just is. Let go of self-judgement and criticism. Accept parenting is hard and focusing on doing better next time is all anyone can ask.    

Trust    

Building trust is one of the hallmark characteristics of a good mother. Trust and respect are essential to a positive parent-child relationship. Your children will feel secure knowing they can trust you.

Promoting trust will provide your children with the security and confidence they need to go out and explore the world. As your child grows and develops into a teenager, building and maintaining trust with them will take different forms.    

Available

To build trust with your children, try always to be available when they need you. Knowing they can depend on you to provide support and help when needed is an integral part of being a good mother.    

Consistent

Always be consistent. If you have rules and the rules are broken, follow through with the boundaries you have set. Your children will respect that you say what you mean and mean what you say.

Consistency with bedtime, bath time, mealtimes, homework and extracurricular activities will also increase their stability and security.

Favourites

Don’t have favourites. If you want your children to trust you, you need to love them equally. Value each child for who they are and respect their feelings and opinions, even if they are different to yours. If you genuinely listen and validate your children’s feelings, this will provide them with the encouragement they need to confide in you.

Integrity

Ensure you follow through on your promises. If you have told them you would pick them up at the gate at 3 pm, be there at 3 pm. And if you have said you will be there to watch them play soccer, do everything in your power to watch them play soccer.    

Role Modelling

When considering the characteristics of a good mother, role modelling can have the most significant impact on your child/ren’s life. Social scientists have shown that much of the learning during childhood is acquired through observation and imitation. 

For children, the most important role models in their lives will usually be their parents. Being a positive role model requires effort, forethought, and self-control; therefore, you must be intentional about the behaviours you model for your children. Your children will model your behaviour, not your words.

Some behaviours your children will pick up include how you handle stress, express anger, how you respond to problems, how you treat other people, and how you take care of yourself. Behaviours also include what you eat, how much you exercise and whether you lead a balanced life.    

Apologising  

When considering the characteristics of a good mother, being humble enough to say sorry when you have made a mistake is a big one. Nobody is perfect.

There will be times when you make mistakes as a parent. That’s okay! When you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up, be kind to yourself and move on.

It’s also okay to apologise to your children by letting them know you overreacted, or you should have said yes on that occasion. If you can apologise, you will most likely find that your children will learn to apologise too.

I always owned my mistakes, and when my daughter turned ten, I found she started to say sorry. It might be a long time coming, but from experience, it will happen eventually.    

Just as you are not perfect, it’s reasonable not to expect your children to be perfect. Mistakes are great opportunities to talk and build a better relationship with your children, and they are also learning opportunities.

Dealing with mistakes in a way that expresses empathy and understanding will ensure your children feel comfortable talking to you when things go wrong.     

Forgiving   

It’s natural for children to make mistakes. It’s a part of their journey into adulthood to test boundaries, to fail and learn lessons along the way.

If your child/ren make mistakes after you have talked and disciplined them appropriately, move on. Please don’t discuss the incident again or bring it up in future conversations.

Forgiving them will make way for a stronger and more trusting relationship.  

Optimistic    

When considering the characteristics of a good mother, positivity helps both mom and child/ren to focus on the good and what is going right. So, for the most part, try to have a positive attitude by thinking and talking optimistically.

Be optimistic about the qualities that make you love your child/ren and reward good behaviour with praise, affection, appreciation, and privileges. Focussing on the positives can benefit you as well as your child/ren.

Positive thinking is a great way to combat stress, improve psychological wellbeing and decrease the chance of depression. 

Grateful

Teaching children to focus on the good in life and be thankful for simple joys is a beautiful gift to give them. Showing them how to pause and appreciate the little things will help them grow into happier teenagers and adults.

You can teach children gratitude by modelling it in your own life, thanking people around you for their help and focussing on the wonderful things you have to feel blessed for in your life. Something as small as appreciating how blue the sky is or how green the trees are will help them see that beauty is all around them.

You can also ask your child/ren what they feel grateful for periodically or set up a ritual at dinner time to reflect on the positives that happened that day.  

Encourage older children to keep a gratitude journal or download a gratitude app that they can use.

Problem Solving   

Problem-solving is included as one of the characteristics of a good mother because it’s the basis of communication and lifelong learning. Inviting your child/ren to participate in family discussions is a good way for them to understand how people can get along with others and work together.

A child’s family is their first training ground for relationships and usually one of the strongest influences. If you include your child/ren when issues need to be resolved or when decisions need to be made, it will allow them to practice these skills.

Role model good problem-solving skills by communicating well in front of your child or with your spouse. Being assertive, confident, and cooperative in your approach will demonstrate that most situations can end with a win-win.   

Encouraging

Child/ren need you there to support and encourage them. Some children, especially those who are less confident than others, need more encouragement.

You might find your child needs encouragement to behave well, be physically active, or be independent. Praise and encourage your child if they have worked hard.

For example, “You have studied hard for your test, so no matter what, you have tried your best. Well done.” When praise is focused on effort, children are more likely to see trying hard as a good thing. They’re also more likely to keep trying and be optimistic when they face challenges resulting in increased resilience.

Responsible  

Giving children chores is a great time-saving tip for moms! There is overwhelming research demonstrating that children who are given chores and help around the house are more likely to succeed in school, careers and personal relationships.

Children who have chores are more responsible, have higher self-esteem, and can better manage feelings of frustration and delayed gratification. That is why giving children responsibility is one of the best characteristics of a good mother.

Of course, chores need to be age-appropriate and time appropriate. 

Age-appropriate chore chart.

If you are a working mom and need help managing your house, you can also read our cleaning schedule for working moms for all the best hints, tips, hacks and ideas. Our schedule will ensure you have more time to focus on what’s important, enjoying your family.        

Self-Care

Being the best mother you can be while supporting your child requires patience, calmness, time and resilience. Your family needs you to be operating at your best. And this means taking some time out to recharge and refresh.

Visit our article on self-love for moms for advice on how you can reconnect to your loving self, inspiring your mind, body and soul, so you feel beautiful and energised again. This article has many actionable ideas on accepting yourself exactly as you are and giving yourself unconditional respect and appreciation.

Other Tools  

Parenting is hard, and we need to utilise all the tools at our disposal to thrive. Exploring wellness and purpose for yourself means you can be the authentic, relevant, and lifelong role model your child/ren need.         

If you are interested in tools that can help set your intention, increase gratitude, positivity, and improve your health, we recommend our article on the best apps for moms.  These apps are brilliant tools to streamline your life and increase happiness.   

A Duke University study of one of the apps called Fabulous found that people who used this particular app were 2x more likely to achieve their goals, stay motivated, and feel better about themselves within two weeks. It’s a fantastic age we live in with so many tools at our fingertips that can help us increase our energy levels, happiness and achieve our goals faster.   

We have also compiled a list of the best books for moms covering compassion, mindfulness, forgiveness, health, relationships, career development, positivity, gratitude, being a good friend, and being a better parent. You can view the best self-help books for moms here. 

If you haven’t read a book for a while, we recommend setting yourself a target of reading a book a month. You can download audiobooks and listen to them in the car while exercising or doing housework.  

Organised  

When considering the characteristics of a good mother, being organised is the one I struggle with the most! Being a mum of twins forced me to develop good organisational skills.

Being organised will give you a sense of empowerment and control over your days.  My recommendation is to download an app or buy a planner and note everything down.

There are just too many appointments, play dates and other commitments to depend on memory alone. If you can commit to taking some time out every week to organise and plan, you will find you can achieve more, and everyone in your family will reap the benefits.  

Related: For ideas on what to buy the new mom, visit our 85 new mom care package and gift ideas here.

Despite this seemingly long list, being a good mum comes down to trying your hardest and having the best intentions. Regardless of how it may look from the outside, every mom has good and bad days.

Some of the qualities of a good mother may come quite naturally to you, whereas others you might have work to cultivate. Whatever your starting point is, it takes enormous strength to keep going as a mom.

Don’t forget to be nice to yourself and forgive yourself when things don’t go as planned. Ultimately loving your child/ren and trying your hardest are the very best characteristics of a good mother. Nobody can ask for more than that.

If you would like further ideas on how to become a happy and fulfilled role model, visit our article on finding your purpose as a mom. This article was written for stay at home moms but applies to all moms.

I hope these 17 characteristics of a good mom provided some great ideas on understanding what to focus on so you can improve daily.