These practical solutions to mom overwhelm will make your life easier while reducing stress.

Being a mom is the most fantastic job in the world, right? It’s a gift, a privilege and an honour. The overwhelm we should feel is with love, joy and selflessness.

But what if we don’t? What if we feel overwhelmed with thinking, schedules, planning and worry instead?

Mom overwhelm is different from feeling stressed. Stress is a normal part of everyday life, and there will always be periods throughout our life when we experience stress. However, overwhelm occurs when you are so over-committed, exhausted and inundated that you feel overcome.

We wear busyness like a badge of honour, it often feels like a competition, and we are all trying to go one step further to demonstrate that we are the busiest. Mom overwhelm occurs because our to-do lists are so long they are impossible to achieve, leaving us feeling even worse about ourselves and more overwhelmed.

If we stop and think about it, what is all this busyness taking us away from? Being present in the moment? Losing ourselves in joy? Mom burnout? Genuine peace of mind? It begs the question, is it worth it?

Today we are often creating a life that looks great from the outside, it’s Instagram worthy, but it doesn’t resonate with who we are. Think about the opposite of mom overwhelm; it’s feeling in control, being mindful, and true to yourself.

It’s also a life with time for leisure, relaxation, joy and being in the moment.

In her book Overwhelmed: Work, Love, And Play When No One Has the Time, Brigid Schulte explains that when you are too stressed, your body is constantly being dosed with cortisol and adrenaline. And this cortisol and adrenaline can have a detrimental effect on you and your family.

Cortisol acts as a contagion and spreads like a virus, passing through everyone else in the family. This cortisol can also change your children’s DNA. If that is not incentive enough, being overly stressed can also have detrimental health consequences, including high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, inflammation and even cancer.

A key contributing factor to mom overwhelm is the power of your mind. Thinking you are too busy, stressed and over-committed can be almost as damaging as being overwhelmed.

Take a Step Back

If you feel overwhelmed, it’s time to stop and reprioritise what matters. It’s time to pause, reflect, and reset. Take a breath.

Dr Samantha Brody outlines a four-step process to dismantle mom overwhelm.

These steps involve clarifying what is important to you, planning to reach your goals, taking inventory of what makes you feel overwhelmed, and implementing change. Ultimately our feelings of overwhelm result from the choices we have made.

It’s important to clarify what we want and make different choices based on our goals. Take the time to get clear about what is important to you. Don’t worry about anything or anyone else.

Start by noting everything you plan to do over the next three or four days; housework, cooking, shopping, bathing the children, errands, appointments, work commitments (if applicable), etc. You would be surprised how helpful writing everything down is.

Looking at your list, you will likely begin to understand why you feel overwhelmed. I can hear you say you don’t have time in your schedule to sit down and get clear about what you want from life, but the only way to jump off the merry go-’round is to restore your perspective.

If nothing changes, nothing changes. You can only manage your stress once you recognise and acknowledge it, and you are the only person who can stop you from feeling overwhelmed.

If you come from a place of mom overwhelm, your mind likely never stops, so you still feel overwhelmed even when you are supposedly having ‘down time’. Overwhelm is not a physical thing; it is a feeling.

Internal peace and joy often get lost in all the busyness, so it’s time to redirect your life and find yourself again.

Organise Your List

Now organise your list. How many things on your list are congruent with your goals, values, and where you want to be?

Which tasks genuinely make you happy? And are there tasks that are more important to others than to you?

If you are organising a birthday party and you are so tired and stressed that you are a grumpy, impatient and angry mom. Ask yourself who you are doing it for. And why.

Children don’t want an overwhelmed and exhausted mom; they want a happy, stress-free, fun-loving relationship with you.

Reflect

Think about the words we used when we were talking about mom overwhelm. Reflect on these words and ask yourself where you want to be.

When you are inundated, you are not productive, so feeling overwhelmed can mean you are so busy that you can’t get anything done. There is a good chance that clearing your mind and finding joy again could make you equally or even more productive.

So, take a step back, let go and implement measures to change your perspective and gain direction.

Aside from your to-do list, several other things could be causing you to feel overwhelmed. Anything from having untidy surroundings (being disorganised), not being able to say no, perfectionism, your health, relationships, attitude, financial obligations, work commitments, or poor time management can overwhelm.

 

1. Identify the Pain

Once you have your list, ask yourself if one or two things are causing most of your stress. It’s okay if you can’t take them off the list or delegate them, but it can be helpful to get clear about the cause of your feelings.

If you have nearly finished the most stressful tasks, get them done! Or, if they are so enormous, you can’t get your head around them, break them down into smaller bite-sized pieces, create a list and tick things off as you go.

If you feel stuck, do the next tiny little something that will propel you forward. And of course, if you can, outsource or ask for help.

2. Control Your Mind

Our minds often cause feelings of overwhelm, so it’s essential to change the loop on mom overwhelm inducing thoughts. Marla W. Deibler, PsyD, Director of The Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia LLC, suggests creating helpful thoughts.

Dr Deibler suggests thinking positively rather than thinking your list is impossible, and you will never complete it. Deibler suggests thinking more along the lines of, “I may not accomplish everything today or even this week, but I will keep going and get it accomplished”.

Deibler advises replacing overwhelming thoughts with optimistic ones, leading to more positive emotions and behaviours. Visit our article on the phenomenal power of positive affirmations for more information.

3. Affirmations

Affirmations to relieve stress and overwhelm can be helpful. Positive affirmations examples for mom overwhelm include:

“I will get through this.”

“This too shall pass.”

“I release the need for perfection.”

“Today, I choose joy.”

“I am doing the best I can.”

“Everything will work out.”

“One task at a time is enough.”

“I am peaceful and centred.”

Below are some further daily affirmations. Visit our complete list of positive affirmations for moms here.

4. Focus on Results

Focus on the results you want. Think about where you are going and the life you would like to create for yourself and your family.

Plan and focus on the actions that move you toward your goal. Remove anything from your to-do list that you don’t feel benefits you and the life you want (within reason).

5. Perfectionism

You don’t have to be perfect. In my new mom-to-be article, I talk about moms who can allow themselves to fail, have bad days, and don’t expect that everything will be smooth sailing all the time. These moms can handle the chaos and unpredictability of parenthood slightly better.

Perfectionism can contribute to mom overwhelm; if you can’t say no or spend more time on tasks, it can lead to psychological distress and procrastination.

By reading some of our favourite baby brain moments, you will realise that we all struggle at some point. You don’t have to be perfect; your best is enough.

6. Prioritise

We live in a world of distraction, so time management is one of the keys to reducing mom overwhelm. When looking at your list, ask yourself, “Is this necessary”?

Try to focus on the three main tasks each day that are the most urgent.

When you are categorising your list, I recommend using Eisenhower’s Urgent / Important Principle:

Prioritise the top tasks first and then determine if you need the bottom ones.

You will need to review your ‘to-do’ list and regularly reprioritise.

6. Learn to Say ‘NO’

Doing something to make someone else happy is okay, as long as it doesn’t come at the expense of making you unhappy. If you are saying yes, make sure it’s what you want.

Sometimes just saying yes to everything can lead to mom overwhelm, especially if you already feel overscheduled. Saying yes when you mean no can make you feel resentful, angry and frustrated.

You can nicely say ‘no’, try to cushion it by saying something positive about the opportunity, “Thank you for thinking of me. I would love to xxx; however, xxx” is an excellent way to say no.

7. Stop Multitasking

Multitasking can cause mom overwhelm; it results in cognitive overload, which can have the opposite effect of what we strive for, making you less effective, creative and even more stressed. By definition, multitasking means we are trying to do too much. And this can be counterproductive as multitasking can lead to mistakes, requiring fixing, leading to more work.

8. Ask For Help

Reaching out for help doesn’t make you a bad mom; it makes you a good mom to recognise you need help and ask for it. Many moms think that bringing children into the world means they are your responsibility but asking for help is better than getting to the point of burnout.

And your children will have a better mom for not being so bedraggled. I would happily be there for another mom who needed help, and I would be honoured if they asked me for assistance.

I would also encourage you to reach out to a therapist or a psychologist and try to schedule an appointment if you have been feeling mom overwhelm for a while, especially if you have already tried a few strategies to resolve things.

9. Delegate

It’s a myth that mums can do everything; it’s not realistic. I remember once when my in-laws came for a visit, and on the first day, my mother in law put a load of washing on. I felt so grateful and blessed for this small task that I no longer had to complete.

So, what can be delegated? If you have a partner, make sure you are working in partnership. There is no excuse; make a list and share the load.

Other suggestions include hiring a cleaner, babysitter, gardener, or having shirts washed and pressed at the dry cleaner. If you can cope with most things, you could consider having someone come in once a month to do everything you can never get to, such as windows.

Appliances that can make your life easier include an air fryer, slow cooker, steam iron, thermomixer, pressure cooker, window cleaner, stick vacuum, spin mop, robovac, food processor and an extra freezer.

One further note is to put everything financial on auto, so you don’t have to think about it.

10. Be Realistic

Be realistic about what you can achieve with your resources and how you feel. Prioritise your mental health and lower your expectations.

Don’t expect perfection. It’s okay for the house to be messy so you can spend time with your children. You won’t regret a messy house, but you might regret not spending time playing with your children.

If your load is the cause of overwhelm, reduce it dramatically, at least until you feel ready to take on more again. Planning can also help relieve some of your anxiety; you will feel less stressed if you have a realistic plan to climb the mountain.

11. Be Kind

Be kind to yourself. Only speak to yourself as you would your best friend. Run a bath and take a cup of tea and a good book. Take a nice long walk with an audiobook, or light some aromatherapy candles and listen to music. Put a face mask on. Paint your nails.

If you are in a financial position, try to schedule some things to look forward to. Whether it’s seeing a movie with friends, date night, having a massage or getting your hair and/or nails done.

Make time for yourself. Getting away from being a mom for a short while will enhance your relationship with your children, partner, and yourself. Ultimately it will make you a better person and a better mom, so don’t feel guilty about this time.

Try to work when the children are up and active and rest when they rest.

12. Meditation

The benefits of mediation are many, and combat the effects of overwhelm, stress and anxiety. Aside from reducing stress and anxiety, meditation increases emotional well being, enhances self-awareness, lengthens attention span and improves sleep.

1 giant mind is a fantastic free meditation app that’s user friendly, providing step by step guidance on how to meditate. There is a simple twelve-day program with each step building on the previous one.

The twelve-day learn to meditate course takes fifteen minutes per day. 1 Giant Mind makes meditation easy and effortless and no previous experience is required.

Once you have completed the twelve-step course, you unlock the 30-day challenge to set you on a path to making mediation part of your daily life. Practising meditation has helped me become calmer, less stressed and more mindful.

13. Journaling

If you don’t know how to journal, you can find a beginners guide or write:

“Today was such a tough day. There are some days I struggle with being a mom. Today was one of them. I wonder if it will ever get easier. I wonder if I will ever feel like I am enough”.

Journaling is an excellent release of emotion in a judgement-free space.

You may also like to journal about the life you want, your goals and plans for the future. Include what you feel is going well and what you would like to improve in the short, medium and long term.

14. Mindfulness

Mindful parenting involves being fully present and centred in every moment. Being able to be fully present in the moment can help with anxiety, worry and overwhelm as the focus is on the present, not the future or the past.

When acting mindfully, you act intentionally with an open, non -judgemental heart. Mindfulness requires an attitude of kindness, openness and curiosity. By developing this light playfulness, you will be able to stop worrying and focus on the joy of today.

The video below discusses the transformative experience of no texting, talking, and thinking for just ten minutes a day.

 

15. Exercise

Whether it be taking a walk, a class, going for a run, riding your bike, kicking a ball with the children or working in the garden. All will have a positive effect on your well-being and mental health.

I count exercise as “me” time and love Yoga with Adriene. It’s free, and the thirty-day challenges keep me motivated.

I’ll be honest, though, it usually takes me about forty days to complete! I don’t receive anything for recommending Yoga with Adriene; I have enjoyed the challenges and love that they are free and you can do them in the comfort of your lounge room.

Most sessions run for twenty minutes and are easy for beginners. You will see improvements in your postures as you progress through the thirty days.

16. Podcasts

Podcasts help me look forward to exercising every day. It’s great to tune in and listen to experts talk about how they managed mom overwhelm and other issues similar to what I am going through.

I always pick up new hints and tips and usually play podcasts in the car while doing housework and exercising. Podcasts take me away from the day’s stresses and provide me with light entertainment while helping me be a better mom.

For reference, we have an excellent list of podcasts for moms here.

17. Get Organised

Although you may be struggling with the burden of overwhelm and feel like you already have too much on your plate, you will benefit from a good clear out if you live with clutter and disorganisation. Try to throw out a bag every week, either in the bin or the op shop.

You can listen to Marie Kondo on an audiobook or watch her series on Netflix to get in the right mindset.

“Tidying is the act of confronting yourself”.

Marie Kondo

Start with one room or set of drawers at a time and get your children involved in the process. You would be surprised by how willing your children are to get involved; they might even enjoy selling some of their toys for extra cash.

It’s therapeutic to declutter and gives you a feeling of lightness coupled with a new lease on life. Give old clothes to friends or relatives and donate what is not required anymore to charity. You will feel more relaxed and find cleaning is a breeze when everything has a place.

18. Food Hacks

Use frozen vegetables, fresh pasta from the fridge section, microwave rice packets, couscous and quinoa. Get your groceries delivered, use a meal delivery service, do meal prep once a week, cook double of everything and freeze a portion, or have fish and chips at the park once a week.

For toddlers, you can try healthy breakfast muffins or fritters for days you are running late; they can eat in the car.

If you are making a roast, you can speed up the roasting time for the vegetables (especially potatoes and carrots) by microwaving them first.

A bowl of oats, egg on toast, or a sandwich is also an okay dinner.

If you are making a roast, you can speed up the roasting time for the vegetables (especially potatoes and carrots) by microwaving them first.

A bowl of oats, egg on toast, or a sandwich is also an okay dinner.

I can’t live without my food chopper and use it every day. I even take it on holiday with me. It has been two years since I chopped an onion. Life is good!

Some families find it easier to feed the children dinner after school and then have cheese and crackers at dinner time. Or feed the children leftovers from the night before for an early dinner and then make a new meal for the adults later in the evening.

We have a full list of over 201 mom hacks here.

19. Two Top Tips

If your children only eat chicken, tell them everything you serve them is chicken.

If your children don’t want the same dinner every night, rather than serve bolognaise with spaghetti, try mixing it up with macaroni, shells or penne pasta. They will think it’s a different meal.

20. Quotes

Many of the issues we face in life have already been experienced by other people. Positive quotes for moms provide:

• A different lens.
• Help you to see things differently.
• Open your mind to viewing obstacles as opportunities.

A quote can change your day or open your mind to a new way of looking at something.

21. Time Savers

Put your children to bed in their daycare clothes so you don’t have to dress them in the morning.

It’s amazing what you can do with 5 minutes and a packet of wipes (only recommended in desperate times as it’s not an environmentally friendly solution).

Feed the children in the bathtub (no water). It contains all the mess, and you can give them a hose off after.

We have a full list of over 113 time-saving tips, guaranteed to save you time every week.

22. Back to Basics

A few other basics include:

• Drink lots of water.
• Try to limit phone use.
• Commune with nature.
• Breathe more deeply.
• Eat higher quality food
• Get enough sleep.

One final point I have found works for me is if you are having a terrible day, do something nice for someone else. It can get you out of your own head and give you a much-needed boost.

Mom overwhelm is a warning that we need to slow down, take stock and readjust our focus and direction. You are in charge of your life, so think about how you want to live it.

Every day is a new beginning, a chance to start again. Forget the past and rewrite your bright new future as a happy, stress-free and fun-loving mom. You’ve got this.

I hope these practical solutions to mom overwhelm will make your life easier and reduce your stress.